Understanding Why Men Struggle to Seek Emotional Support
There have been countless articles over the last few years describing the plight of male loneliness. The Pew Research Center reported in January 2025 that despite earlier reports of a male loneliness epidemic, men don’t report that they feel lonely more often compared to women.
Instead, they found that men are often less likely to turn to their networks for social connection and emotional support. According to Pew’s study, only 38% of men surveyed reported they would be extremely or very likely to turn to a friend if they needed moral support, compared to 54% of women. This gender gap of seeking emotional support held up even when asked about the likelihood of turning to spouses, family members, and mental health professionals.
The trend is clear. Even if men and women are experiencing feelings of loneliness at roughly similar rates, men are consistently less likely to seek support to cope with these feelings.
This finding makes me think about two important questions:
- Why has this trend emerged?
- What can men do to help resolve feelings of loneliness when they encounter them?
Differences in Men’s and Women’s Friendships Explain the Gap
One of the reasons why men may be less likely to seek support from family, friends, and loved ones is rooted in the same reason why men often shy away from mental health clinicians: the stereotype of what a man should be.
Researchers have found that adolescent boys and young men will often avoid seeking support for their mental health because of the stigma of being perceived as “weak.” It is fair to assume that being thought of as “weak or inadequate” could prevent men from sharing that they are struggling.
Even though this may be true for men seeking support from a mental health professional, there must be other reasons why men are less likely to seek support from friends when they struggle emotionally.
To closely examine the dynamics of men’s friendships, compared to those of women, we can look at research conducted in 2024 by psychologists in the UK. These researchers found that of the UK adults surveyed, women were more likely to have a best friend than men and were more likely to feel emotionally close to that best friend.
Researchers also discovered that women are more likely to have larger friend groups than men and that those groups are generally more interconnected than men’s friend groups. One of the most important takeaways is that men’s friend groups often decrease in size from the mid-20s to the early-30s.
Combining stigma with the characteristics of mens’ friendships can help explain some of the factors that may influence men to be less likely to reach out when experiencing feelings of loneliness. This begs our second question: what can men do to help resolve these feelings of loneliness?
Looking Back to Childhood: Socialization as a Blueprint
When we are young, we are taught to socialize from an incredibly early age.
Education, from daycare to pre-K to high school, is as much about learning as it is structured play and socialization. School is filled with opportunities for socialization and friendship, with recess, sports teams, art/music classes, and clubs.
Outside of school, we may play with kids in the neighborhood. Our parents may organize play dates, have us join little league teams, or send us to camps or community centers. All of these activities in and out of school give us a strong structure of socialization and friendship.
For those who go to college, there are a plethora of school-sponsored clubs and organizations that present us with further opportunities for building friendships and a social life outside of the classroom (even if we have to take more initiative to find these groups as college students).
Practical Steps for Men to Combat Loneliness
As we graduate from college and begin our adult lives with a new career and (sometimes) in a new city, many of those opportunities for socialization become much less obvious and we need to actively pursue these social experiences ourselves.
These opportunities to socialize with others in our community can come in a variety of forms and can be found in coffee shops, community centers, parks, concert halls, and other neighborhood locations known as “third places”.
Third places have been shown to improve social interactions, sense of community, and belonging outside of our home or place of work. Researchers have also found that third places can help improve wellbeing and may provide help against feelings of loneliness, stress, and alienation. With the continued prevalence of remote work, third places are increasingly important for making us feel connected to our communities and neighborhoods.
If you’re feeling lonely or isolated, seeking out third places is an effective strategy. Here are some ways you can engage in your community:
- Join a recreational sports league. There are leagues for all levels of play, from a casual kickball game to a competitive soccer match.
- Look for volunteer opportunities in your community that you are passionate about.
- Find out what’s happening in your neighborhood and try going to local concerts or art openings.
- Check out your local market! Farmer’s markets and food halls are great places to meet people, eat delicious food, and support local businesses.
If you have a passion, there’s a good chance there are other like-minded people out there who would love people to share that passion with.
Want to Explore These Feelings Together?
If loneliness is a pressing concern for you or is something you can’t seem to shake, we can help you process these feelings.
At Lightline Therapy, we help men process life transitions, confront the stigma of seeking mental health support, and build healthy relationships with loved ones and friends. We help you dig deep to understand your feelings of loneliness and problem-solve together to explore ways for you to feel better.
Book a free consultation with me to get started.
FAQs
1. What if I can’t find third places near me?
Consider joining online communities around your interests, such as forums, social media groups, or virtual meetup platforms. Meeting someone online can be a helpful first step before meeting them face-to-face.
You might also explore starting your own gatherings or small groups. Even casual meetups for activities like hiking, book clubs, or game nights can spark meaningful connections. Sometimes, building community means taking initiative rather than waiting for opportunities to appear.
2. Is male loneliness really just the same as general loneliness?
While loneliness, at its core, involves a sense of emotional or social disconnection that anyone can experience, male loneliness often comes with unique layers shaped by societal expectations around masculinity. Men are often taught to equate emotional openness with weakness, which can lead them to withdraw or avoid seeking support even from close friends and family.
These cultural norms can make male loneliness particularly difficult to resolve because men might feel ashamed or stigmatized for admitting vulnerability. Recognizing these additional challenges is crucial when addressing male loneliness specifically.
3. Is loneliness usually harder to address as men age?
Loneliness can become more challenging as men get older due to shrinking social circles, changing life circumstances, and evolving personal responsibilities. In young adulthood, friendships often center around shared activities like sports, college experiences, or nightlife, making socialization more effortless.
As men grow older, these opportunities often diminish, and their focus typically shifts to career and family responsibilities, leaving less room for casual social connections. Additionally, men’s reluctance to express vulnerability or proactively seek new friendships can further complicate their social lives, deepening their sense of isolation over time.
