Scrolling, Comparing, Missing Out: Let’s Talk About FOMO
It’s a familiar feeling. You are sitting at home, scrolling through Instagram, and you see a picture of your old college roommates getting together for a drink. You ask yourself “Why wasn’t I invited?” You begin to feel sad or anxious that you’re missing out on all the fun.
What you’re feeling is the all too familiar FOMO or the Fear of Missing Out. The idea of FOMO was first introduced in 2004, during the rise of social networking sites, like MySpace or Facebook.
Even though the concept of FOMO is relatively new, the feelings behind FOMO have certainly haunted us for many years.
Today, we’ll explore the concept of FOMO. We’ll answer the following questions:
- What is FOMO?
- How can I distinguish between FOMO and some other feelings?
- What can I do when I have feelings of FOMO?
Where does FOMO comes from and why does it hit so hard?
Since the term FOMO was first coined in 2004, it has increasingly crept into our daily vocabulary. FOMO was added to the dictionary in 2013 as the “pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent.”
In short, the FOMO acronym is exactly what it sounds like. It boils down to feeling afraid that we are missing out on social interactions with friends, families, and peers. Feelings of FOMO are widespread and pervasive, with surveys showing nearly 70% of Americans reporting that they’ve experienced a fear of missing out.
Those who experience FOMO report feeling as if they must constantly engage in their social networks in order to not miss out on anything. Many people describe a persistent desire to be informed of what their peers are doing at all times. And it creates an undercurrent of anxiety in how we see our social lives and what we “should” or “could” be doing. Clearly, the rise of social media has made it easier to monitor our lives in comparison to others.
Since social media makes it easy to see what others are doing, it’s no surprise that those most prone to FOMO feel constantly drawn to social media platforms.
Is it really FOMO or is it something else?
Now that we’ve examined what exactly FOMO is, it’s important for us to understand how we can recognize some of these feelings when they arise. If FOMO is coming up while you scroll through social media, ask yourself:
- What was I feeling before I logged on to social media?
- What am I feeling as I scroll through others’ posts on social media?
- How have these feelings changed?
- What exactly do I feel I am missing out on?
Answering these questions can help us determine what we were feeling before FOMO kicked in and what those feelings mean for us now. It may be possible that we were experiencing some negative feelings before we even logged into Instagram and saw some of our peers were getting together.
When you’re confronted with FOMO as you scroll through social media, you also may want to determine whether you are doomscrolling, or excessively scrolling through content that makes you feel sad, anxious, or angry.
Even though doomscrolling is often associated with news or world events, it can also show up when we are endlessly checking in with what others are doing. It’s easy to draw comparisons between what’s happening in our lives with the highlight reels we see on others’ Instagram posts.
When we catch ourselves comparing what is happening in our lives to the images we see of others, we are presented with a great opportunity to check in. In these moments, it is important to consider what else is happening in our lives that could be fueling these feelings.
When confronted with these feelings, try asking yourself:
- Have you been having a particularly hard week at work?
- Have you been missing one of your close friends or people in your friend group?
- Have you had other stress in your life?
Once you’ve separated FOMO from feelings that were already present, we can take steps to improve its impact on you.
How to deal with FOMO: Four steps to ease the anxiety
When you’ve experienced FOMO and have checked in with your other feelings, there are some steps you can take to ease your discomfort.
What’s great is that you’ve already recognized these feelings as FOMO. Now that you’ve recognized you’re feeling this fear, you can take the following steps to feel better.
To tackle FOMO, you can…
- Reach out to a trusted friend
Reconnecting with friends can help you reduce the feeling of missing out. You can even make plans to go out and see them if they live nearby. - Set boundaries with social media
Researchers have found that feelings of FOMO have significantly increased with the proliferation of social media and that FOMO is negatively correlated with one’s well-being. Think about taking breaks or setting time limits on your social media apps. - Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is a therapeutic technique that allows us to focus on the present moment using nonjudgemental observation. Practicing mindfulness can help you determine if something else is going on that’s causing you to have some negative feelings. - Give yourself permission to miss out
The sooner you accept that it’s impossible to attend every social interaction, the quicker these feelings of FOMO will become more manageable. Missing out is a part of life and is what makes the events we attend and relationships we have so much more special.
The more you are able to recognize FOMO and take actions to address these feelings, the easier it will be to improve your well-being in this way. As we continue to scroll through social media and see more and more people posting fun times with their friends, the more important it will be to understand FOMO and how we can manage this fear of missing out.
Want to Explore FOMO Together?
If FOMO is a pressing concern for you or is something you can’t seem to shake, we can help you process these feelings.
At LightLine Therapy in New York City, we help high-achieving adults process life transitions and build healthy relationships with friends. We help you dig deep to understand your feelings of FOMO and problem-solve together to explore ways for you to feel better.
Let’s talk about what’s coming up for you and how FOMO is affecting you. Book a free consultation with me to get started.
FAQs
1. What is the fear of missing out (FOMO)?
The fear of missing out, or FOMO, is the feeling that others are having rewarding experiences without you. It’s often triggered by social media, where we see curated highlight reels of others’ lives. FOMO can cause anxiety, sadness, and dissatisfaction, even when nothing in your own life has changed. Recognizing this feeling for what it is can help you take steps to manage it.
2. How does social media contribute to FOMO?
Social media provides constant access to updates from friends, peers, and even strangers. While this can help us feel connected, it also fuels comparisons. The more we compare our day-to-day reality to others’ curated posts, the easier it is to feel like we’re missing out. Taking breaks or setting limits on social media can help reduce these triggers.
3. How can I tell if it’s FOMO or another emotion?
If you notice a pang of sadness or anxiety while scrolling online, pause and ask what you were feeling before you logged on. You may already have been feeling lonely, stressed, or left out. Checking in with yourself this way helps you see if FOMO is the main issue or if another feeling is present that needs attention.
4. What are effective ways to manage FOMO?
Recognizing the feeling is the first step. From there, try reaching out to a friend, setting social media limits, practicing mindfulness, and most importantly of all, giving yourself permission to miss out. Over time, these habits can make the feeling less intense and more manageable.
5. Can therapy help with FOMO?
FOMO comes from somewhere inside you and therapy can help you explore what those root causes. Together, you and your therapist can develop strategies to shift your focus away from what you’re missing and toward what matters most to you. This can lead to healthier relationships and more peace of mind.
