Why High Standards Can Hold You Back
The clock quietly switches from 10:59pm to 11:00pm and you’re still hunched over your laptop, rereading the same paragraph for the fifteenth time. Every tweak makes it “better,” right? You tell yourself it’s about doing your best work, but on some level deep down, a tiny part of you is beginning to wonder if something else is going on. You’re stalling. I’ve been there too (hi, fellow perfectionists!) Our perfectionism becomes self-sabotage.
For so much of your life, your high standards have felt like your superpower. They’ve driven you to success. But when they tilt too far, they start trapping you instead of lifting you.
This post unpacks that tipping point: what self-sabotage is, how perfectionism feeds it, and why so many of us—maybe you, maybe me—get caught in the loop.
What Is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is when the very things you do to protect yourself end up blocking your progress. It’s not usually dramatic. More often, you hardly notice it until it’s already passed. It looks like procrastinating on a project you care about, over-preparing until the deadline passes, or avoiding opportunities because you don’t feel “ready.”
On paper, self-sabotage sounds pretty irrational. But then again, that’s just how the human mind works (don’t you just love that?). In practice, self-sabotage can make emotional sense. It creates the illusion of safety, because if you hold yourself back, you never have to face the risk of failing or showing certain sides of yourself.
You might subconsciously pick fights with your girlfriend/boyfriend to push them away so you don’t have to be vulnerable with them. You might procrastinate on a big project at work so you’re less likely to get promoted and then don’t have to take on even more responsibility. On the surface, it can be hard to see the fear that’s driving your actions.
How Perfectionism Turns Into Self-Sabotage
At first, perfectionism feels like ambition’s twin. You set high standards, polish until things shine. But slowly, those high standards stop serving you and start burning you out.
Ways perfectionism shows up as self-sabotage:
- Procrastination disguised as preparation – gathering resources, making outlines, researching… but never actually doing.
- All-or-nothing thinking – if it can’t be perfect, it isn’t worth doing.
- Endless tweaking – pouring hours into details that don’t actually change the outcome.
- Burnout cycles – driving yourself to exhaustion for minimal return.
The trap of self-sabotaging perfectionist habits is that your energy gets misplaced. Instead of settling for good instead of perfect, you’re spending two hours adjusting the formatting on your slide deck. Did anybody even notice that?
No. The answer to that question is no.
Why Do Perfectionists Sabotage Themselves?
If you’re bright, motivated, and hardworking, why get in your own way?
- Perfectionism feels protective. Brené Brown calls it a shield against shame. If you only show the polished version of yourself, the real, messy version of you will never be judged.
- It creates the illusion of safety. If you never give 100%, you can tell yourself you “could have done better if you tried.” That’s some Olympic-level self-handicapping right there.
- It’s fueled by internalized voices. Parents, teachers, bosses, coaches. All the people who taught you (even if it was unintentional) that only the flawless version of you is acceptable.
These beliefs don’t appear overnight, but they’ve been built over years and years of positive reinforcement.
Signs You’re Caught in the Loop
Sometimes the line between healthy striving and unhealthy perfectionism is blurry. These signs can help you spot when high standards have slipped into sabotage:
- You keep pushing your deadlines at work or you constantly work longer hours than you need to because it’s just not “quite ready yet”
- You avoid new projects, waiting for the “perfect” time to start.
- You keep friends, partners, parents at a distance. You don’t want them to see you in a certain way or know certain things about who you are.
If these sound familiar, your perfectionism might be holding you back in ways you hadn’t considered before.
How to Stop Perfectionism from Holding You Back
Breaking free doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards. Think of it more as you have the same high standards for yourself, but you’re just holding them in a different way.
A few steps to shift sabotage to support:
- Redefine success. We all know this, but progress is better than perfection. “Done” beats flawless (and what is flawless anyways? Your least favorite client is still going to poke holes in your report, they don’t give a shit how long you spent on it).
- Set stopping points. Decide in advance how many times you’ll review something or a specific time you’ll stop no matter where you are in the project. Stick to it.
- Practice imperfection. Send the email after two drafts, not ten. Share the project at 80%.
- Pay attention to your self-talk. Get those “shoulds” out of your internal dialogue. They’re doing nothing but helping you shame yourself.
- Seek support. Therapy for perfectionists helps untangle the fears driving high standards and related self-sabotage.
And if anxiety is part of the cycle, therapy for anxiety can also help address those fears.
Turning Perfectionism Into Progress
Your high standards and perfectionism aren’t the enemy, but they’re acting like it. They’re creating those self-sabotaging parts, holding you back from your bigger picture progress and goals.
So let’s be honest with ourselves. We used to scoff at those overachievers, perfectionists, try-hards. And now? Shit, we might just be one of them.
Your perfectionism can be a compass for you, not a cage. And therapy can help with that. So can the brave, small act of choosing progress over perfect.
If you’re ready to stop self-sabotaging yourself, reach out to schedule a consultation today.
FAQs
1. Why do perfectionists sabotage themselves?
Perfectionists often sabotage themselves because perfection feels safer than imperfection. Holding back or over-polishing creates the illusion of control and minimizes the risk of judgment. Unfortunately, that strategy also blocks opportunities and stalls your progress towards larger goals.
2. What are signs of self-sabotaging perfectionist habits?
Signs include pushing people away, avoiding opportunities, endless revising, and difficulty accepting praise. You might also notice chronic second-guessing or a fear of starting unless conditions are “perfect.” These patterns slowly drain confidence and energy, leaving you more stressed than supported.
3. How does perfectionism relate to procrastination?
Perfectionism and procrastination often go hand in hand. If you believe your work must be flawless, starting can feel overwhelming. That leads to avoidance, which creates more stress, fueling a cycle of delay and self-criticism.
4. How can I overcome perfectionism and self-sabotage?
Start by redefining success as progress, not perfection. Use concrete limits, like setting a number of drafts you’ll write or a time to close the laptop, to help end the constant tweaking. Practice doing things imperfectly, and notice how often “good enough” is actually more than enough. Therapy can also help unpack the fears driving these habits and support you in building healthier ways to achieve your goals.
