Smart Decision-Making During Life Transitions
You know those moments when you’ve been stuck in your head for days, replaying every scenario, until you hit your breaking point and you just want to yell “Somebody decide for me!” We’ve all been there. Thinking about making a life transition and all the decisions that come with it carries a ton of weight. You know you have to make an informed decision, but hopefully without getting mired down in a spiral of endless doubt. Here’s how to make a key life decision that you won’t regret.
Why We Overthink Decisions
In my experience with clients, people often already know what they want deep down, but something is blocking them from accessing it clearly. Life transitions stir up uncertainty, which makes the pressure to choose “correctly” even more intense. This leads to the fear of regret.
And regret is a powerful emotion. The decision-making business is actually more like the regret-minimization business, at least according to Nell McShane Wulfhart, a professional decision coach. But often, it’s not the decision itself that causes regret, but the time lost agonizing over it. During life transitions, this loss of time hits harder. You don’t want to spend a year debating grad school or three years stuck in the wrong relationship. You want to get out there and live your life.
The Myth of More Time Equals Better Decisions
More research doesn’t always lead to better choices. After a certain point, another article, another friend’s opinion, or another pro/con list just creates more confusion. If you know that you tend to overthink, take the time you think you need to decide, and cut it in half. At that point, make the best decision you can with the knowledge you have at that point. You’ll still be thoughtful, just more efficient.
Are You a Maximizer or a Satisfizer?
When we make a significant decision, we usually fall into one of two groups:
- Maximizers: Want the best possible outcome. They weigh every option, seek perfection, and tend to overanalyze. They might get better results on paper (like higher salaries), but are often less satisfied and spend more time spinning their wheels deliberating and researching.
- Satisfizers: Choose what’s “good enough.” They tend not to consider every piece of data available to them, so they can be hasty and miss out on better opportunities, but they also tend to be happier with whatever decision they make.
We’re all just taking our best guess at the time with the information we have, but the people who usually feel less regret are those who can accept this and be generous with themselves if they feel they “made the wrong decision.” Accepting your decision leads to accepting yourself, and vice versa.
Three Tools for Smarter Choices During Life Transitions
1. Use Your Values as a Decision Filter
Make a list of what really matters to you on a daily basis. The things that bring you joy and fulfill you, like taking a walk in the middle of the day, living in a certain type of climate, being around certain types of people, etc. Put them in order. When trying to make a decision, go down this list of values and see which one checks more boxes.
2. Future-You Check-In
Picture your ideal life in one, five, and 10 years. Where do you want to be? What job (if any) do you want to have? Now take the options in front of you and ask: which one creates a straighter line toward that version of me? The most direct route is usually the one to follow.
3. Try It Before You Commit
If you’re debating something big (like a career change), stop sitting in “what if” land. Start small. Test the thing. Six months spent experimenting will teach you more than six months of overthinking.
Watch for These Decision-Making Traps
Sunk Cost Fallacy
Don’t let time or energy already spent keep you stuck. Life transitions are full of opportunities—but you have to be willing to let go of what’s no longer working.
Black and White Thinking
It’s not always Option A or Option B. There are usually more choices than you think. Get creative and be open to Options C, D and E.
Seeking Too Much Input
Talk to three to five people max. (This is for your sake and theirs…nobody wants to rehash the same dilemma over and over again with no movement.) After that, you’re just spinning your wheels and likely simply protecting yourself from feeling any kind of regret by avoiding making a decision.
Regret Is Inevitable And That’s Okay
You can’t eliminate regret entirely. What you can do is accept that some regret is part of being human. That mindset shift can be surprisingly freeing. If you might feel regret no matter what, why not choose the bolder, more exciting option? The option that you want, not what your parents, friends, or coworkers would choose?
The next time you’re in the middle of a life transition, ask yourself: what’s the best move I can make with the information I have now? Then make it. And keep moving.
If you’re finding it hard to make a decision or keep second-guessing yourself, therapy can help. At LightLine Therapy, we work with people navigating major life transitions to help them move forward with clarity and conviction.
Reach out to start the conversation.
FAQs
1. How do I know if I’m overthinking a decision?
If you’ve been going in circles, revisiting the same points, or asking more and more people for input—but still feel stuck—you’re probably overthinking. When thinking turns into looping or avoiding action, it’s time to pause and choose. Overthinking often masquerades as problem-solving, but it’s usually a form of self-doubt.
2. What if none of my options feel right?
That’s a sign it may be time to expand the options on the table. It could also mean you’re trying to think your way into certainty when what’s really needed is action. Sometimes, you only figure out what fits by actually doing something (anything!). This means you get to experiment, test, and learn in real time.
3. How do I stop second-guessing myself during big life changes?
Second-guessing thrives in uncertainty, and life transitions are full of it. It’s natural to worry about making the wrong choice, but trying to outthink regret usually backfires. Instead of aiming for certainty, aim for clarity. What matters most to you right now? What kind of life are you trying to build? Those kinds of questions are your compass.
It also helps to expect some discomfort no matter what. Doubt doesn’t always mean you’re making a bad choice, it often just means you’re doing something unfamiliar. The more you can accept that every path has trade-offs, the less you’ll waste energy trying to find the one perfect option.
And when that familiar voice in your head kicks in after the decision is made, gently remind yourself: “I made the best choice I could with what I knew. That’s enough.”
