Why venting feels good, but rarely changes anything
We’ve all done it and know that jolt of instant satisfaction. Ranted to a friend, vented in a text, complained to a coworker. It feels good in the moment. But is venting actually helpful for reducing stress? Or does it just stir things up and leave you more upset?
In my work as a therapist (and in my life just as a human), I’ve seen it go both ways. Venting can bring short-term emotional relief, but more often than not, it doesn’t actually solve anything. And in some cases, it can just make you feel worse. In therapy, if people feel that they’ve spent the last three sessions venting about their partner or boss, it usually compounds them feeling discouraged and stuck.
But let’s dive into the idea of venting, figure out where it is useful, and how it compares to what happens in therapy that actually helps you change.
The Pros of Venting: Temporary Relief and Connection
We’re all naturally driven to vent for a reason. It’s not necessarily an intellectual pursuit or decision, but it’s more like an emotional need. It’s a fast, familiar way to:
- Get things off your chest
- Feel heard and validated
- Connect with someone who “gets it”
- Distract yourself from a painful experience (which can both be a pro and a con)
When you’re frustrated or overwhelmed, talking some shit about someone or something can offer a sense of relief. Especially if the person listening is empathetic and responsive. Their validation can make you feel less alone, less crazy, and more grounded in your reaction.
This kind of connection matters. Humans regulate emotion in relationship with others. Venting can mimic that process, at least for a moment.
Venting is best used when it’s a starting point, not a full solution. If venting leads to insight or action, great. But if it’s keeping you emotionally stuck or making things worse, it might be time to try a different approach.
The Cons of Venting: Emotional Escalation Without Resolution
But of course, the catch is that venting doesn’t actually solve anything. It just gives the feeling of relief without meaningful change.
In fact, repeatedly venting about the same issue can:
- Reinforce the story that you’re powerless
- Increase anger or stress the more you talk about it
- Rely on external validation instead of internal clarity
- Pull you into “co-rumination” with someone else (which often leads to increased anxiety and stress)
If you notice that after venting you feel more worked up instead of calmer, that’s a sign you’re caught in emotional escalation rather than emotional relief.
It’s especially common when your venting partner agrees with everything you say. Their empathy isn’t the problem, but it can amplify your sense of urgency without helping you think about what to do next.
And that’s the problem with venting: it leaves you worked up, with no place to go. You’ll have to calm down before you can think clearly again and figure out how to resolve whatever situation you’re in, if that’s a possibility.
So…Is Venting Helpful for Reducing Stress or Not?
The short answer: venting can help reduce stress temporarily, but it doesn’t do much to make you feel better in the long term. And it’s important to note that venting does not equal therapy. Venting can be a part of therapy, but if venting takes up the whole session, it doesn’t leave any time to take a step back and figure out a solution, or why whatever happened is so upsetting in the first place.
It’s challenging, because therapy can seem like a natural time to vent. As a therapist, when it seems like venting is taking up too much space in our session, I try to call it out and explore where it’s coming from. Maybe venting is more comfortable to discuss than other topics. Or maybe it’s just so easy to get caught up in the narrative of everything wrong that happened, that we lose track of why we’re in therapy in the first place.
When this happens, it can be helpful to set concrete limits to venting. For example, let it rip for the first 15 minutes of a session. Get it all out there, whatever frustrations and annoyances come up. And then after that, we switch gears. We explore why things feel so bad, identify patterns associated with these feelings, and what we can do to either change the situation or change our relationship with the associated feelings.
If your goal is to feel seen and connected, venting might do the trick. If your goal is to actually feel better over time, you’ll need to go deeper.
Venting vs Therapy: What’s the Difference?
Let’s break this down a different way: what makes therapy different from just talking to a friend?
Here’s how I’d describe it:
| Venting | Therapy | |
| Goal | Immediate relief | Lasting insight and change |
| Structure | Unfiltered and spontaneous | Guided and intentional |
| Feedback | Empathy and agreement | Empathy plus challenge and clarity |
| Outcome | Emotional release | Emotional regulation and resolution |
Therapy for stress and anxiety creates space to sit with discomfort without spiraling. It helps you understand why certain things set you off, how to shift your reactions, and what stories you might be stuck in. Venting alone doesn’t typically get you there.
What to Do Instead: Stress Relief Strategies That Work
A few options that tend to be more effective than venting (or can work in addition to venting) for emotional regulation:
- Name the feeling, not just the story
Instead of retelling the whole event, try focusing on the feelings that came up for you. “I felt dismissed” or “that was so humiliating” is a more nuanced story than “my boss is such an asshole.” - Move your body
Walk, stretch, pace. Let your nervous system reset before trying to process anything mentally. - Talk to someone who won’t just agree with you
Insightful friends or a good therapist can help you widen your perspective, not just validate it. - Journal, voice memo, or free-write
Let your thoughts out somewhere that doesn’t escalate them. - Ask: what do I need right now?
Often it’s something simple—space, rest, clarity, a plan, or food.
The Bottom Line
Venting can feel satisfying. But it can only go so far and if you’re using it as your main way to deal with stress, it might be backfiring. At best, venting is helpful for reducing stress short term, yet it’s not enough to really change anything. At worst, it’s reinforcing negative narratives about yourself and making you more angry and stressed.
If you’re tired of repeating the same stories without feeling better, therapy can help you go deeper. Not just to vent, but to understand what’s behind the frustration and shift how you respond.
If you’re ready to make a change (and if you really want, you can still vent for the first few minutes of the session), schedule a consultation with one of our therapists and we’ll take it from there.
FAQs
1. What’s the difference between venting and processing emotions?
Venting is about offloading emotion. It’s quick, unfiltered, and often emotionally charged. Processing emotions means slowing down and exploring what the feeling is, where it’s coming from, and what it needs. Processing usually leads to clarity. Venting often just circles the drain.
2. How do I know if venting is making me more upset?
Sometimes we know we’re going to see a friend and it’s going to be a venting session. Other times we slide into venting without really realizing it. Either way, try to pay attention to how you feel before and after venting. If you’re more agitated, stuck in the same thoughts, or ruminating even harder, the venting likely escalated things. Helpful venting usually brings a sense of release (not tension and urgency), followed by actual problem-solving.
3. Can venting ever be part of therapy?
Yes, but it’s never the whole thing. You might need to vent in a session, especially early on or after something big. A good therapist will validate you and help you reflect on what’s underneath, what’s stuck, and what could shift. That’s where the real work happens.
4. Why do I keep venting to the same people about the same problems?
Because it’s familiar and it feels safe. But that pattern can be a sign you’re avoiding something deeper, like a difficult decision, a painful truth, or a need that isn’t being met. Therapy helps you step out of the loop and toward actual resolution.
